Mal-a-Kai
by Crimson Endings
Summary: What happens when Kai handcuffs himself & Mal together & can't find the key?
1. Chapter 1

**I know, I should be writing Parenthood, but this idea came into my head & i wanted to write it!**

**Enjoy the Kai-ness!**

* * *

It was a normal day at the SFPD, Kai bugging people as usual, detectives going over evidence, trying to solve the latest case.

Until Kai decided to bug Mal.

Kai knocked on Mal's office door.

"Maligator!"

Kai could hear Mal groan as he opened the door.

"What is it now, Kai?"Mal asked, very impatient.

"Okay, so I had this really cool magic trick to show you & I was..."

"No!"

"But MallyBear, why not?"

Mal sighed.

"Okay, if you ever call me MallyBear again I will kill you & remember last time you tried to do a magic trick?"

"Yeah, but Amy made it out okay!"

"You set the lab on fire Kai!"

"In my defense,I had no idea those chemicals were flammable!"

Mal rubbed his temples & sat down at his desk.

"Okay Kai just this once...but try not to set fire to anything."

Kai looked like Mal had just gave him a Sims 3 expansion pack.

"Oh my gosh, really? Maligator you're the best!"

"Yeah, yeah...what's your trick, Kai?"

"Who's Kai? For I am the great Kaileno! Master Of Illusion!"

"Just get it over with, 'Kaileno'!"

"Okay...I need a volunteer! Anyone? Ah, you sir!"

Kai points to Mal, who was the only person in the room.

"Come up here please!"

Mal walked up to Kai.

"Give me your wrist!"

"Why?"

"Just do it, Mal!"

Kai grabs Mal's wrist and cuffs it.

"Kai, what are you..."

"Silence, Obi Wan! Now I get the other cuff & put it on my wrist..."

Kai cuffs the other end to his own wrist.

"Now, I'm putting this handkerchief on our wrists in the cuffs.."

Kai places a blue hanky on his & Mal's wrist.

"And when I take it off, we will be un-cuffed! Ready? One, two, three: Avada Kaidavra!"

Kai picks up the handkerchief & his & Mal's wrist are still cuffed together!

"Kalaba..."

"Not to worry! I have the key..."

Kai fumbles for the key in his lab pocket with his free hand.

"Uh, Mal..."

"Yes, Kai?"

"What would you say if I lost the key?"

"YOU LOST THE KEY?!"

"Um, yes..."

"KAI..."

"Hey, hey, hey hear me out, okay? I have a spare key..."

"Oh thank god.."

"But I lost it too."

"I swear..."

"I ordered a new one!"

"When is it coming?"

"Next week."

"Does that mean... I'm stuck with you... FOR A WEEK?"

"Well, yeah, but think about it this way Mallie-poo... it'll give us a way to get to know each other better!"

Mal shoots Kai a glare.

"Ah hell!"

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	2. Chapter 2:Pick Lock Fails & Mal's Place

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**On with the story!**

* * *

Mal went out of his office, Kai in tow.

Mal led the the way and bursted into Ander's office.

"What is it now, Fallon?" Anders asked impatiently.

"This." Mal raised his & Kai's wrist to show that they were handcuffed together.

"Oh, well..." Anders was trying to contain his laughter.

"You think this is funny, Chuckles?" Mal said in a angry tone.

"The fact that you actually let Kalaba handcuff you is."

"Can you just pick the lock?" Mal pleaded.

"I can try."

Anders got a toothpick out and tried to pick the lock.

"Can you get it?" Mal asked.

Anders stopped.

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"It's a rare kind of handcuff, I can't pick it."

"So you expect me to tolerate that;" Mal gestured to Kai,  
"until the key comes?"

"Gee, Mal, means a lot." Kai said sarcastically.

Mal ignored Kai & continued to talk to Anders.

"What am I supposed to do? I can't work with one hand, or with Kai bothering me." Mal said.

"Then go home & come back when those handcuffs are off."

"But Kai's not allowed in my apartment!" Mal whined.

"Oh would you rather go to Kai's house?"

"Nevermind! My apartment it is!" Mal said quickly.

"Okay then. go home Fallon."

Mal sighed & walked out of Ander's office with Kai.

"So we're going to your place?"Kai asked.

"Yes."

"Oh, yay! I can't wait!"

"Just try not to set anything on fire when we get there."

"Okie Dokie, Mally-Bear!" Kai said & flashed Mal a goofy grin.

"Ah hell..."Mal sighed as he & Kai made their way towards the parking lot.

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**Sorry it's short, the next chapter will be longer!**

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	3. Chapter 3:Singing In The Car

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**Story time!**

* * *

Mal thought sharing his apartment with Kai was going to be tough;But trying to drive with Kai handcuffed to him was tougher.

"Kai,quit changing the radio station every five seconds!" Mal yelled as Kai kept his hand that he was able to use over the radio.

"It's not my fault all these songs suck,Malachi!"

"Just choose a station and stay with it!"

"Fine!" Kai finally picked a station & left it on.

Then,a song flooded the car.

"Not this song!" Mal said,remembering this song from hearing Kai sing it all the time.

"Oh yes!Come on,Mallie-poo,you know you wanna sing!"

"I'm good,thanks."

"Suit yourself,choir boy."

Kai began to sing the dreadful song at the top of his lungs.

"Your stare was holding,ripped jeans,skin was showing!  
Hot night,wind was blowing!WHERE YOU THINK YOU GOING BABY!?"

After that song was over,Mal sighed in relief and said:

"Thank goodness that's song's over!"

"What,you didn't like my singing?" Kai asked,making puppy eyes at Mal.

"No,Kai!You're singing was wonderful." Mal said sarcastically.

"You really think so?Oh my feels,that means so much,Maligator!"

Mal rolls his eyes as another song comes on the radio.

"Ooh,Mal,you have to sing this song!" Kai urged Mal,and Mal recognized the song as Over You by Chris Daughtry.

"I don't think so,Kai."

"Why not?"

"Cause I don't sing."

"Why do we call you choir boy then?Come on Mal,please?"

"Ugh, if you tell anyone,I'll kill you!"

"I make no promises!" Kai said with a goofy smile on his face.

Mal sighed and began to sing the song.

_Now that's all said and done  
__I can't believe you were the one  
__To build me up and tear me down  
__Like an old abandoned house  
_

_What you said when you left  
__Just left me cold and out of breath  
__I fell in too far,was in way too deep  
__Guess I let you get the best of me  
_

_Well I never saw it coming  
__I should've started running  
__a long,long time ago  
__And I never thought I'd doubt you  
__I'm better off without you  
__More than you more than you know  
__I'm slowly getting closure  
__I guess it's really over  
__I'm finally getting better  
__And now I'm picking up the pieces  
__I'm spending all of these years  
__Putting my heart back together  
__Cause the day I thought I'd never get through  
__I got over you_

Mal eventually finished the song & turned to Kai.

Kai mouth was wide open,his eyes watering.

"That's...that's beautiful,Mally-Bear!" kai was wiping tears from his eyes.

Mal's face turned red.

"Shut up,Kai."

Then,strangely,a song that doesn't come on the radio,was on.

It was Get Back To Hogwarts from A Very Potter Musical.

"OMG,this is the song of my life!" Kai said exciting sounding. "Sing it with me,please Mal?"

"I don't know the words!"

"It's easy!Just listen to me!"

In a couple minutes,Mal had the song lyrics down,and him and Kai were singing together.

_We gotta get back to Hogwarts  
__We gotta get back to school  
__We gotta get back to Hogwarts  
__Where everything is magic-cooooool_

_Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts  
__To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts  
__It's all that I love and it's all that I need at  
__HOGWARTS HOGWARTS_

_I think we're going back_

When the song ended,they had made it to Mal's apartment.

After a couple minutes,both of them had gotten out of the car,their limbs still intact.

"I can't wait to see what you're apartment looks like,Mal!" Kai said.

"Yeah,yeah...Come on!" Mal & Kai started walking toward's Mal's building.

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**Disclaimer:I do not own the Cause Of Death characters,Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen (thank god),Over You by Chris Daughtry, and Get Back To Hogwarts by A Very Potter Musical. **


	4. Chapter 4: Sims 3 and Arguing

**Whazzup, Deathicated!**

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**Let's start the fourth installment of Mal-a-Kai!**

* * *

Mal unlocked his apartment door and let Kai and himself in.

"So this is your apartment?" Kai asked, glancing at everything he could.

"Yeah." Mal said.

"It's everything I imagined! It's so badass!"

"Sure... " Mal said.

"Can we play Sims?" Kai asked.

"Why?"

"Because it's a really fun game! You can play it if you want! I created a Sims family for you and Hottie Boom Bottie! And you have six kids!" Kai said excitingly.

"I don't wanna play it."

"Please, Maligator!" Kai begged.

Mal sighed. "All right, I'll play it just this once. But you better not tell anyone!" Mal threatened.

"Yay! Let's play!" Kai said and pulled out his laptop as him and Mal sat on the couch.

_**2 Hours Later**_

Mal and Kai are still playing Sims.

"Kai! Stop setting stuff on fire!" Mal complained.

"It's not my fault that your kids like setting things on fire!" Kai shot back.

"You created them!"

"So? They're you're offspring, Malachi!"

"Which reminds me: Why is one of sons named Kai?"

"Because your son deserves to have the best name ever!"

"That's a matter of opinion."

Kai rolled his eyes. "Pssh. You're just jealous that you didn't think of Kai Sylvester Fallon."

"I didn't think of it because I didn't want too!"

"That's what they all say..."

This arguing continued until they fell asleep. And for once, They were actually getting along.

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**I'm sorry if this chapter was too short for you, I'll try to make the next one longer!**

**Please review!**

**:)**


	5. Chapter 5: Rip Van Wrinkles & The Laptop

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**The fifth chapter of Mal-a-Kai! Enjoy!**

* * *

Mal woke up the next morning to the smell of something cooking.

A second later, Natara came out of the kitchen.

"Natara? What are you doing here?" Mal asked.

"Well... I didn't get to see you yesterday, so... I came this morning! And I didn't want to wake you and Sleeping Beauty." Natara said, smiling.

Mal looked down and saw that Kai had fallen off the couch, his hair covering all of his face. He was snoring. And they were still handcuffed.

Mal sighed.

"So, how are you & Kai handcuffed?" Natara asked.

Mal told her how Kai's magic trick didn't work and how he lost the key and he won't get a new one until the week ends.

"You gotta 'hand' it to Kai for making you believe that the trick would work!" Natara said, trying to not to laugh.

"Really?" Mal asked.

"Yep! I can make jokes too!"

"Sure..." Mal said and they both laughed.

All of sudden, Kai woke up and sat up straight.

"Did I miss any action? Hmm?" Kai asked, raising his eyebrows up and down.

"No!" Mal said.

"Gee, Maligator, you aren't a morning person, are you?" Kai asked.

"Not if that morning involves you..." Mal muttered.

"Well... who wants breakfast?" Natara asked.

"Ooh, me! I do!" Kai shouted, like a child would.

Kai jumped up and Mal was trying to keep his balance as Kai ran to the kitchen.

**A Couple Minutes Later...**

Mal, Kai, & Natara were eating eggs and bacon.

"Pass the pepper." Mal asked.

"I'll get it!" Kai said, and grabbed the pepper with his handcuffed hand, and it moved Mal's hand and knocked over his coffee.

"Oops! Sorry Mally-Bear!"

Mal sighed and began cleaning up the spilled coffee. Natara began to stare to him.

"What?" Mal asked.

"Oh, nothing it's just... do you know what today is?" Natara asked.

"Yeah, it's Tuesday. Day 2 of being handcuffed to a nightmare."

"Hey! I have feelings too, Malachi!" Kai said.

Mal ignored him.

"Yeah it's Tuesday... but do you know what makes this Tuesday so special?" Natara asked.

"Ummm... Did you do something with your hair?" Mal said.

"Malachi Charles Fallon! You don't remember?"

"Remember what? That's it's our anniversary? And don't call me that!"

"So you remembered?"

"Of course I remembered! How could I not remember the day the most beautiful woman in the world became mine?" Mal said, smiling his Fallon trademark smile at her.

Natara blushed.

"Awww, Mallie-poo! You sweetheart!" Kai said and lightly poked Mal.

"So what's the plan for tonight then,'Mallie-poo'?" Natara asked.

"I was thinking about going to Rip Van Wrinkles."

"Sounds perfect!"

"What's that?" Kai asked.

"It's a restaurant." Natara said.

"We're going to a restaurant? You mean, I'm going on a MALTARA DATE? OMG! This is going to be perfect for a fanfic!" Kai said in delight.

"Just try not to set anything on fire when we get there." Mal said.

"You act like I set fire to everything I touch..."

"'Cause you do! I'm surprised the rain doesn't turn to fire!"

"Ooh, I love that song! 'I SET FIRREEE TO THE RAINNNNN! WATCHED IT POUR AS I TOUCHED YOUR FAAACCCEEEE! WELL, IT BURNED WHILE I CRIED 'CAUSE I HEARD IT SCREAMING OUT YOUR NAME! YOUR-"

"No!" Mal shouted.

"But that's my jam!" Kai said in an innocent voice.

Mal sighed. "Just please, behave tonight okay?"

"I can try."

"Good."

"So... Watcha wanna do know? Play Sims again?"

"No not again!"

"Mal. You, of all people, played Sims?" Natara asked.

"Hell yeah he did! And we had fun too!" Kai said.

"And you weren't supposed to tell anyone!" Mal said, pointing a finger at Kai.

"Sorry! My bad!"

_'It's gonna be a long week...' _Mal thought to himself.

**A Couple Hours Later...**

Mal, Natara, & Kai had arrived at Rip Van Wrinkles and were looking at the menus when Sean walked up to their table.

"If it isn't the two lovebirds! You guys want the usual?"

"Yes." Mal & Natara said.

"And... who are you?" Sean asked Kai.

Kai gasped. "You don't know who I am? I'm Kaileno, Master of-"

Mal put his hand over Kai's mouth to shut him up.

"Sean, this is Kai. He works as a lab tech at the SFPD."

"Okay... So what does he want to eat?"

"Oh, well, I'm sure if you if you lay out some dog food-"

"Mal!" Natara said.

"What? Okay, fine... he'll have the usual too."

"I'll be back with the food soon."

Sean walked away to the kitchen of the restaurant and Mal took his hand off of Kai's mouth.

"I thought I told you to behave!" Mal said.

"I can't help it that I'm different Malachi!" kai shot back.

"You're hopeless, Kai."

"And you're a Sour Grape Snape!"

"Stop it!" Natara shouted at them.

"Now, I wanted this to be a nice meal but you're both behaving like children!"

"But Kai-"

"I don't care what Kai can or can't help, Mal! You're older than him and you need to start acting like it. Now, apologize to him."

"Why do I have to apologize?"

Natara gave Mal a glare that could melt ice.

"Alright, fine... I'm sorry, Kai." Mal said.

"Oh, it's fine Mally Bear! I know you don't mean it!"

Then, Sean came out of the kitchen with the food.

"Here you go! Enjoy!" Sean said and then walked off.

Natara began eating her food, and Mal & Kai kinda stared at theirs. Mal began to eat, and Kai being Kai, used the handcuffed hand which was the same one Mal was using and kept getting food all over the place for the rest of the meal and into Mal's hair but Kai didn't say anything because Mal and Natara didn't notice so Kai just kept on eating the food that wasn't on the table and the stuff that was on his plate.

**Later...**

After they left Rip Van Wrinkles, they went to Mal's apartment.

Mal & Natara were watching a movie and Kai was playing on his phone, when Natara realized it was midnight.

"I'd better get going. Goodnight Mal." Natara said and she hugged him and kissed him.

"Goodnight Natara. I love you."

"Love you too."

"Hey, where's my kiss?" Kai asked.

Natara gave Kai his laptop.

"There." Natara said, and left the apartment.

Mal closed the door behind her and turned around to see Kai amking out with his laptop.

"Kai!"

"What? She tastes like strawberries!"

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6: SUPER BOWL

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**So, I know that it's Parenthood's turn to be updated, but I have kinda writer's block for it, and I thought about this idea for Mal-a-Kai, so I decided to write and post it!**

**And Happy Super Bowl for my readers & reviewers who live in America!**

* * *

It was Mal's favorite holiday tonight; the Super Bowl. And as usual, Mal would go to the SFPD and watch it there with all his co-workers.

This year, he had to bring Kai with him.

Mal and Kai were walking into the prenict when Ken walked up to them.

"If it isn't the two best friends!" Ken said, grinning.

"Yeah! The bestest of friends!" Kai said, jumping up and down.

Mal sighed.

"Well, I saved you lovebirds seats up front." Ken said.

"Thanks Ken." Mal said.

Mal & Kai sat down in their seats and began to watch the game.

Then Kai poked Mal in his side.

"What?" Mal asked.

"I have to go to the bathroom..." Kai said.

"Can't you wait?"

"I don't think so."

Mal sighed and took Kai to the bathroom, to his disgust.

**2 Hours Later...**

Mal was finishing up a can of beer when the winning touchdown was played.

Mal dropped his can and started dancing.

"The 49ers won! Yeah!" Mal screamed.

"Hell yeah! That's my team!" Ken yelled.

"GANGNAM STYLE!" Kai said and began dancing as well.

Everyone stared at him.

"What? I can't celebrate too?" Kai asked and started dancing again.

After that, people just ignored him and went on with what they were doing.

"So Mal, when do you unchained from Hell?" Ken asked.

"In two days." Mal said.

"It must suck."

"What?"

"Not getting any action from The Fed without him screaming it's just like his fanfic."

"Yeah. But maybe the two days will pass by quickly."

"Yeah!" Ken said and raised his can and said, "To hope that two days will pass quick."

"Cheers." Mal said and clinked their drinks together.

Then, a song on the radio changed Mal's whole mood.

'Crap.' Mal thought.

"OMG... MY JAM!" Kai yelled.

Kai began dancing singing at the top of his lungs.

"WHEN I WALK IN THE SPOT, THIS IS WHAT I SEE! EVERYBODY STOPS AND THEY STARING AT ME! I GOT PASSION IN MY PANTS AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO SHOW IT, SHOW IT, SHOW IT... I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!"

The radio was quickly turned off and Mal put his hand over Kai's mouth.

"I'm gonna go home." Mal said. "Bye, Ken."

"Bye, Mal."

Mal quickly walked outside the prenict and shoved Kai & himself in his car and started driving.

"Mallie-" Kai began.

"I swear if you finish that sentence I will kill you! You ruined my favorite holiday!"

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, whatever."

When they got back to Mal's apartment, Mal went to sleep, angry and praying that the next two days would come soon.

* * *

**Please review? And thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7: Checking Pockets & Packages

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**I'm sad to say this, but this is the last chapter for Mal-a-Kai. I've enjoyed writing it, and I've loved all the wonderful and nice reviews you all have given me!**

**Story Time!**

* * *

"Mally-Bear, wake up!" Kai said, trying to shake Mal awake.

Mal eventually woke up, glaring at Kai.

"I don't know if you noticed Kalaba, but I'm trying to sleep!" Mal said, angrily.

"I know, but I got an text from Amy that I got a package waiting for me at the station! So, come on!" Kai said.

"Fine. But after this, I'm going back to sleep." Mal said, and trudged along as him and Kai went to the apartment parking lot.

**A Couple Minutes Later...**

Mal and Kai arrived at the SFPD and walked into the crime lab. Amy was waiting for them, holding a package in her hand.

"Hey, Mal!" Amy said.

"Hey Amy." Mal said, holding back a yawn.

"Here's your package, Kai!" Amy said to Kai and gave him the package.

"Ooh, what's in it?" Kai asked, saying it like a three-year old would.

"You'll have to find out!" Amy said, clearly knowing that she knew what it was.

Kai began to tear up the box, eager to know what's inside.

"I hope it's the new Sims expansion pack, 'cause I've been waiting a really long time..." Kai began, but stopped when he realized that is was the new Sims game.

"Hey, Mal?" Kai turned to Mal to see sleeping with his head on his shoulder.

"MAL!" Kai yelled.

"Wha... What, Kai?" Mal said, coming out of his sleep.

"Look what's in my package!" Kai said.

Mal stepped closer to look in the package and realized that there was a key in the box.

"But I thought it wasn't supposed to be here until tomorrow!"

"Me too!" Kai said.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Unlock us!" Mal said urgently.

"Oh! Right!" Kai took the key out of the box and put in the lock. He twisted it, and the cuffs came off, and onto the table.

Mal rubbed his wrist.

"Well, that feels a whole lot better."

Kai started sniffling.

"You're not crying, are you Kai?" Mal asked.

"It's just... We've grown together over the last few days and... it's been so fun! I'm gonna miss it, Malie-poo!" Kai squeaked and pulled Mal into a tight hug.

"There, there." Mal said and patted Kai awkwardly on his back. They pulled away.

"So, I guess I'm gonna go and take a nap." Mal said and was about to walk out of the crimb lab when Kai stopped him.

"Um... Mal?"

"What?"

"This was in my pocket." Kai said and held up the key that Kai had used to trap him and Mal in cuffs.

"You mean... All this time... You had the key?" Mal asked, getting angry.

"Uh, yeah, I guess I did. But hey, at least we got time to bond, Mally-Bear!"

Mal sighed.

"Five-second head start?" Kai asked Mal.

"Yep."

Kai ran out the crime lab and Mal followed him out, ready to kick his ass.

'_Things are getting back to normal...'_ Mal thought to himself and smiled, catching up with Kai.

* * *

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**And thank you for reading Mal-a-Kai!**


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